Has anyone had the experience where you think you know someone and then a bit into the relationship you find out something really shocking about the person? This has happened to me and I am always glad to know about a person's habits sooner in the relationship than later. Honesty is a wonderful advocate and I want to encourage everyone to come out of the closet, whatever your closet entails. It's the best way to freedom. If this has happened to you, what did you do? Did you end the relationship or accept them as they are?
Dating
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I used to stay but not for the right reason. Then set it up for the other person to leave. That came from acting out and not talking it all out. Did honesty from that person bring the surprise? What was the intent? To sit and discuss all of it in fine detail so all is said and the path to stay or leave becomes clearer. Shocks often bring a powerful opportunity to grow, forgive and heal. You know this already. It feels like just before I take a class with you, not wanting to go so I can stay in the sludge zone, yet feel fantastic after class.
I was just having a conversation with a friend today about stuff like that. And she basically said that everyone has secrets, sometimes you find out about them, and sometimes you don’t. What does occur to me, is that what one person considers shocking another person does not. I remember I once went out with someone and found out near the beginning that he had had a relationship with a friend’s wife which was shocking for me, but which other people might not consider to be that big a deal.
And I did continue to go out with him, although it didn’t work out for other reasons.
we all have skeletons in the closet. i am still learning about myself and i have 36 years of very close experience with myself.
we will always continue to learn about the person we are with, with that learning must come an exercise of acceptance, and/or compassion. Trust in your heart in these moments and not your mind or judgments. Because, individuals themselves learn and change from their life experiences and you are not with the experiences of someone’s past but with the knowledge that comes from the sum of their experiences. Love is within us despite our life experiences, if you are tapped into that love with another person, experience the feelings you have for each other…for who you both are today – don’t let the past push you away… judgment is poison to all feelings of the heart.
When I get too stirred up I become conscious of staying in my body. Taking space and bringing myself all the way in. Helping myself to stay safe and using conscious breath. That helps me to integrate, and it can take time. Feels like a great space to start the day with. My third chakra is spinning so I’m going to heed my own call and settle in. The body holds incredible wisdom and truth…and resistance as well. Just meeting myself there with conscious intent, kind of like cracking the cookie and finding the fortune. Either way you are incredible just the way you are, and loved!
Recently a friend that I have known for about ten years made a comment that startled me because it was so far from how I feel and think. Since we have a good and mutually helpful relationship, I have chosen to ignore some of her opinions since she is an octogenarian.